Life on life
terms. This is something I constantly
struggle with and wish I could get a grasp on.
I went to a meeting last night that focused on gratitude which I think
ties directly into accepting life on life terms and it was a struggle for
me. I always feel out of place at
gratitude meetings because there are a lot of times were I don’t feel gracious
for the multitude of chances I have received to start over. Many of the times, I am concerned about some
other aspect of my life that is cause strife.
At the
meeting, they read Acceptance from the AA big book (p.417): “Acceptance is the answer to ALL of my problems today.
When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or
situation- some fact of my life- unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity
until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way
it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in
God's world by mistake.”
This is
something that was read to us in rehab all the time and it never meant much to
me but last night it spoke to me. I have
to accept that I am struggling right now because it is what I am supposed to be
experiencing at this point in my life. I
am hoping it is because the world and God are trying to teach me that I am a
stronger person than I think I am and I don’t need to kill the pain in order to
get through it.
Another thing
that really caused me to look at acceptance is the fact that I attended church
for the first time in a long time and their message was finishing strong. This really spoke to me today as they talked
about finding a balance in life and not letting temptation of evils get into
your mind. The example they used was cheating on a spouse. You could be tempted by another and have that
other for a time being but, in the meantime, you have just destroyed your
entire home life for that little piece of pleasure. Instead, you could have taken that time to
work on your relationship with your significant other or work on yourself.
So what I
really learned this weekend is that I need to stop focusing so much on the bad
that has happened as a result of my using but focus on the good that has
happened since I quit. So much good has
happened that should over shadow it but it won’t be easy to change my frame of
mind. It is what I am going to work on
this week. For every bad thought I have,
I am going to try to think of at least 2 things I am grateful for. I am also going to try to think in the terms
of “I get to…” instead of “I have to…” statements to teach me gratitude. Hopefully this will help me be more positive
for my sake and the others in my life.