I get to write this blog.

Life on life terms.  This is something I constantly struggle with and wish I could get a grasp on.  I went to a meeting last night that focused on gratitude which I think ties directly into accepting life on life terms and it was a struggle for me.  I always feel out of place at gratitude meetings because there are a lot of times were I don’t feel gracious for the multitude of chances I have received to start over.  Many of the times, I am concerned about some other aspect of my life that is cause strife.

At the meeting, they read Acceptance from the AA big book (p.417): “Acceptance is the answer to ALL of my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation- some fact of my life- unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God's world by mistake.”

This is something that was read to us in rehab all the time and it never meant much to me but last night it spoke to me.  I have to accept that I am struggling right now because it is what I am supposed to be experiencing at this point in my life.  I am hoping it is because the world and God are trying to teach me that I am a stronger person than I think I am and I don’t need to kill the pain in order to get through it.

Another thing that really caused me to look at acceptance is the fact that I attended church for the first time in a long time and their message was finishing strong.  This really spoke to me today as they talked about finding a balance in life and not letting temptation of evils get into your mind. The example they used was cheating on a spouse.  You could be tempted by another and have that other for a time being but, in the meantime, you have just destroyed your entire home life for that little piece of pleasure.  Instead, you could have taken that time to work on your relationship with your significant other or work on yourself.

So what I really learned this weekend is that I need to stop focusing so much on the bad that has happened as a result of my using but focus on the good that has happened since I quit.  So much good has happened that should over shadow it but it won’t be easy to change my frame of mind.  It is what I am going to work on this week.  For every bad thought I have, I am going to try to think of at least 2 things I am grateful for.  I am also going to try to think in the terms of “I get to…” instead of “I have to…” statements to teach me gratitude.  Hopefully this will help me be more positive for my sake and the others in my life.